baldacchino

God's Boxing Introduction

2005-12-13T17:13:00.000-08:00

God's Boxing Intro-
(In that one guy's voice, read it in the wrong internal voice and it comes out way lame.)

Lights turn on.
A bearded old man in a white robe dances in the corner beating his gloves together,

Announcer:

Laaaaaadiiiieeessss and Gentlemen!

In this corner, weighing in at everything and nothing, The Infinity to Zero favorite, the Father, the Almighty, Maker of heaven and earth, of all that is seen and unseen, the Creator and ruler of the ENTIRE UNIVERSE, the giver of life, Dont you dare reduce him to man, myth, or legend, manifestor of the Behemoth of Job, the Omnipotent, The Omnificient, the All-Just, Infinite, Eternal, Immortal, Ultimate, the Giver of laws, The Burning Bush, The father, the Son, AND the Holy Spirit, the Eternal Logos, Elohim, Allah, Yahweh, Yoshua, releaser of the Flood of Noah, Author of the Ten Commandments, Melter of Faces, sparer of Indiana Jones, The Prime Mover, the Demiurge, The Supreme Deity who made Baal, Marduk, Amon-Ra, Zeus, Jupiter and the Kings of a dozen other pantheons his bitch, As he was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, King of Kings, Emperor of Emperors, God of Gods if there WERE any others, Always the Smiter, never the Smitee, Name above all names that cannot be pronounced under penatly of head explosion, The Alpha AND The Omega, He Is What He Is, the one, the only, NO, REALLY, The Way and the Truth and the Light---- GOD!!!!!!

Till Next time,

Baldacchino

2 word movie reviews, VOL 1

2005-03-27T00:13:00.000-08:00

Greetings and good oh-one-hundredish from oddly lush moreno valley.

In the first of what I hope someday might grow to a legacy of half a dozen or more, I present to you the first EVER two word movie review, heres how it works:

(1. Name of movie), then (2. is....) then (3. A couple empty lines so you can scroll down & thus add tension) then (4.the two words which are my review of it in bold, lower case italics) well, here goes, a movie i just rented on DVD & watched tonight.

COLD MOUNTAIN is....

just that

Until Next time.......

Baldacchino

day 4,745,654,145 9:18pm

2005-03-25T22:05:00.001-08:00

Greetings from the land Mother Nature gave up without a fight: Moreno Valley!

It's been too long, but i got the greatest excuse to hold yer attention. And absolutely none for my absence. Here goes.

Months ago, I commented on the unbeleivable, (yes, the scientific community still wants proof, i saved some, but they said i probably just got it from the sink) phenomenon of water falling out of the sky. But then winter came, and anyone in socal now knows I was ahead of the curve, and should have heeded my red flag: http://baldacchino.blogspot.com/2004/10/day-1294948837-831.html

Pursuant to continuing my meteorological muckracking, I must warn you of a new threat to our pipes, roofs, and skins. While atop a distant mountain, many hundreds of miles away in what the native population there calls "Nevada" I stood upon a close cousin of the water from the sky, a threat both menacing and mysterious. FROZEN water from the sky. no joke.

Now, heres how it works, apparently the when water does fall from the sky, as one might expect even such rediculous phenomenons have predictable outcomes, and water is no exception, it falls to the ground, and goes splat. But in the ungodly rare instance that water falls from the sky, and, now bear with me...when at the SAME TIME and SAME PLACE, it is so SO COLD, that water can ACTUALLY CHANGE STATE into a SOLID!

Scary.

Or so i thought..... In a delightfully convenient irony, the hard, or 'solid' water, which i'm told is called "ICE" (Pronounced "ayiss") does not plummet down through the atmosphere as one might expect a hard things dropped from the realm of the the gods to do. Nor does it leave great craters. Rather, if floats.

Yes, floats.

A hard object, formed of HARD FROZEN WATER, through a gaseous, and far less dense medium, inexplicably floats, drifting ever so gently toward Terra Firma. Why? keep reading, It gets weirder.

Apparently, the process of 'colding' or what some scientists (and Thetas) call 'unhotification' of the water into ICE, happens in such a way that perfect 6-way symetrical fractals of ice form. Rather than clumps, and somehow, now i have been assured by no shortage of "Nevadians" of the truth of this, that although the symettry is flawless, that no two snowflakes in the histoy of forever have ever been the same.

Additionally, the 6-way symettry happens only on a single plane, and never ever in any other way. Always perfect symmetry, always on a single plane, AND NEVER done the same way twice, except for each of the identical 6 branches the first time. And this shape is just exactly perfect in ratios of surface area to volume, and shape, and other words that mean stuff, and whatnot, that it falls so slowly you can catch it on your tounge without having to buy a new one. Then it turns back into water.

In Conclusion:

Liquid water falls from the sky, becomes a solid, cuz it's cold, and falls slower, cuz it's hard.
Dumbfounding.

Thats it, I'm digging a bunker.

Till Next Time,

Baldacchino

The Best Shape EVER!

2005-01-25T21:59:00.000-08:00

Good evening from formerly, and soon to be, Sunny San Diego!

The question has haunted me for years, and although never fully resolved, deserves an attempt. So here goes.

There are an infinite number of shapes, i personally, like the ones in the 3rd dimension. Within this matrix, there is a limitless potential for a variety of shapes, and among them, only one can be king.

What, then, Is the BEST shape?

Well alot of 3-d shapes are just 2 dimensional ones, but with prism added at the end, like a cylinder, is just a circle prism, basically. Add a third dimension to a rectangle, and you get a rectangular prism, to a triangle, a triangular prism. These are at best faux 3d-shapes.
I’ve eliminated all but almost all of these shapes out of hand, for instance : the best shape is clearly not the rhombus prism....i mean cmon, im not really even entirely sure what it is , but what a dumb name. Something to do with….um , well anyways I’m eliminating all shapes that are just some 2-d shape that added extra of the same same shape, pretending to be a real 3-d shape, posers.

The REAL contenders for Best 3D shape, with a geometric expression if my physique being excluded as clearly unfair, I think aught to be reduced to these following contenders:

(note: suggestions of shapes given unfair consideration are welcomed in the “comments” section)

THE SEMI FINALISTS!

THE CUBE, AKA ( “EL CUBO”)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cube_(geometry)

THE SPHERE AKA (“EL ROLLO”)
http://www.phazedance.com/3d/mirroredball.html

http://www.bancodedadosvisual.hpg.ig.com.br/Escher-Hand-With-Reflecting-Sphere.jpg

THE TETRAHEDRON (AKA “EL SHARPO”)
http://indymatrix.tripod.com/polyhedra/models/platonic/tetrahedron.htm

THE DODECAHEDRON (EL COMPLICATO)
(Having fun!)
http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.public.asu.edu/~starlite/images/florida/dodeca32BP.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.public.asu.edu/~starlite/dodecahedron.html&h=600&w=800&sz=35&tbnid=U3eQmQQhXqoJ:&tbnh=106&tbnw=141&start=18&prev=/images%3Fq%3Ddodecahedron%26hl%3Den%26lr%3D%26sa%3DG

Well, first off, all these shapes are sweet cuz they’re symmetrical in a whole bunch of ways in all three dimensions.

Second, every side on any of these 4 given shapes is exactly the same, and no particular shape has any more than one kind of edge. (yes, the sphere fits these rules, check for yourself.)

Also, all of these shapes are platonic solids, and as much as I despise Plato, and I do, he did pick out some pretty sweet shapes:

http://www.mathacademy.com/pr/prime/articles/platsol/index.asp

A couple rejected Platonic Solids (take THAT Plato!):

The ICOSAHEDRON (see link above) didn’t make the cut, cuz it has 2 different kinds of sides. ICOSAHEDRON , and OCTAHEDRON (see link above) are also platonic solids, but in my opinion, are the runts of the Platonic solid litter. First of, Octahedron uses equilateral triangles which tetrahedron already got dibs on, and did a better job with. Icosahedron, well he did the same thing, and is more round, but will no doubt be knocked out by Dodecahedron, which beats Icosahedron’s ass in both the originality and roundness contests. Not to mention, you could keep throwing triangles together all day to make bigger and bigger spheres,. The tetrahedron is clearly the king of triangle-based 3d shapes, and thus is the only representative thereof. Now, we must take these 4 kings, and determine the true emperor of shapes.

So lets get to the brackets!

Semifinal Round....

First, in the “round or round-ish” division, we have DODECAHEDRON, and SPHERE.

Nobody cares about/ has ever heard of the DODECAHEDRON.
A feature length Hollywood movie about a scary, yet shiny DODECAHEDRON has never been made, unlike the SPHERE. Since the divine or alien “makers” of the SPHERE are clearly more advanced than us, they’d know which was the best shape, and well, Dustin Hoffman didn’t go crazy looking at a giant soccer ball, so sorry DODECA, but yer kerplunked. http://sphere-themovie.warnerbros.com/
Although the most complex, and perhaps cleverest of the shapes, DODECAHEDRON is the nerd of the group, and best serves as advisor, not great leader.

SPHERE beats DODECAHEDRON

Second, in the “don’t drop this on your toe” division, we have, two contestants which have been described as……um… “edgy”……..CUBE and TETRAHEDRON

CUBE, also the namesake of a Hollywood thriller, this rectangular wonder can do a number of amazing things. Unlike all the other shapes in the finals, the CUBE can stack with perfect efficiency. I mean, like perfect, no gaps or nothing. A strong start. http://www.cubethemovie.com/

The TETRAHEDRON, however, may be the progenitor of all the other shapes, as is capable of making a shape with the fewest possible equal sides, and be totally whole. You know what I’m sayin. Also, it is the sharpest. It does not, however, have any practical use for people of any kind. The only things about it that are cool are stuff geometrists care about, and maybe some crystal stuff.

For sheep utility, and amazing mathematical CUBE beats TETRAHEDRON. Maybe tetrahedron should go track down rock and point at his random ugly bumps, and sedimentary layers and shit. He did, after all, make the final four.

THE FINALISTS!
THE GREATEST RIVALS OF ALL THE 3D SHAPES! THE EPIC BATTLE!

CUBE vs. SPHERE

Benefits of the CUBE

1. The cube is composed entirely of right angles, one from each of the three spatial, dimensions at each corner. The very 90 degree angles we use to define these dimensions. Amazing…..orPERHAPS redundant.
2. As mentioned before, nothing stacks like the cube. Unequaled for warehousing, etc.
3. The famously round Epcot center was so freaking weak sauce.

Benefits of the SPHERE

1. The SPHERE has an unparalleled surface area to volume ratio. Best for storing things without stacking.
2. Every point on the surface of a SPHERE is a equal distance from the center. Exactly. No other 3-d shape can do this.
3. The SPHERE is the shape of every star, planet, subatomic particle, major moon, neutron star, black hole, and DEEZ NUTS!
4. SPHERES roll, and like bumbles, often bounce.
5. SPHERE can roll in ANY direction
6. A person traveling along the surface of a SPHERE can visit any point on the surface without ever crossing an edge.
7. The SPHERE may prove to be a more effective way of understanding the spatial matrix, dimensions defined by 90 degree angles could potentially be argued as…..arbitrary.
8. spheres are kind of like boobs, sort of.
9. Epcot center isn’t technically a sphere, it’s a big freakin platonic triangle geodesic thingy.

THE VERDICT!

It seems that, when examined individually, sphere beats cube, but when working in groups, cube is better. But a winner must be chosen, because CUBE is really hanging out in what is truly, sphere’s universe, I gotta go with EL ROLLO.

The best shape is, I hereby declare, to be the SPHERE.

Some additional shapes to ponder:
1.a cylinder extending infinitely in both directions, thus gaining a better surface to volume ratio.
2. since spheres do stack regularly, but with gaps. These gaps, therefore, would be regular as
well, what if we welded something the same shape as the gaps, to the side of a sphere, then maybe it would stack, and keep some pretty good surface area-volume ratios
3. boobs.

anyways......

CONGRATULATIONS SPHERE!

Till Next Time,

Baldacchino.

Presidential Inaguration Special!

2005-01-20T16:08:00.000-08:00

In 3 parts:

Inaguration summary, highlights, and 451 words on etiquitte

Speech summarization:

"Look out Tyrannators! Freedom's a'comin! The flame of liberty will burn tyrants and light dark corners of the Earth! (Also, we're gonna stack the bench and privatize social security.)"

Other highlights:

1. Cheney totally blew his oath, as if lowering the bar for the traditionally de-tongueulated president, cheney fumbled over the VP oath words at least 5 times, twice switching words, once adding his own, and twice more studdering. He looked way nervous, but i think he's in relatively good health.

2. Bush managed to get through the speech without a single studder or flaw. A first for the cheif executive. Booya!

451words On Etiquitte:

Protesters, who were given a whole grandstand of their own, right along the parade route, embarassed any anti-war folks who might actually have a good case to make. They also tainted the once respected practice to peaceful demonstration (think MLK, We Shall Overcome, Free Speech Movement, etc). These immature furies hit cheney's limo with snowballs, broke through a fence, and burned an american flag. All the while, the democracy professionals stood by and allowed their protected right to do so go unimpinged. A few got arrested and peppersrayed for busting through the fence, but whatev, theyll be out by tonight, prob get a small fine. NEWAYS.....

Even in the crazy 60's & 70's, Vietnam protesters were polite enough to lay off the inaguration, and let the peaceful transfer of power for which they can thank their ability to protest take place without interruption. This year, for the first time in the history of the country, a few shouters pulled a stupid stunt. They yelled audibly during the speech and tried to unfurl a sheet that said "no war". I mean seriously, we know you dont like the war, protesters, nobody does. But if you want to be taken seriously, dont just shout rudely and incoherently. Make objective arguments EXPLAINING why the war isnt worth fighting, or perhaps suggest just how you would "end the occupation", cuz as far as we can tell, you just want us to leave, and let Iraq go ape-shit, something I imagine would be offensive to your delicate sensibilities. The same sensibilities from which you derive your disdain for the war to begin with. If you've got a good point, make it. Fog horn tactics just make you look like whiny kids.

It is ressuring to me to think that, tonight, the protesters will either be huddling for warmth in their parent's borrowed Excursions, or sacrificing their own principles to burn extra gas so they can take take off their beanies. All the while the victorious GOPS, and the defeated, but respectful Democrats will be surrounded by luxury, enjoying central heating, getting plenty drunk, and actually turning thier opinions into laws rather than forgotten rants. You see what happens when you develop a coherent paradigm and work WITHIN the system? Fuckin Hippies! , no wait..... these arent Hippies, Hippies ran the gamut of society, had alot of sex, produced some damn good music, and were protesting against a manditory draft. Hippies, however annoying, were far more noble than these tumors. I apologize for associating hippies with the blindly angry quasi-anarchist, anti establishment for the sake of hating authority in any form, suburbanite, spoiled, habitually malcontent effigy-philes and slogan mongers. Pursuant to an approriate scientific classification of this particularly disparaged genus of the social apparatus, I propose an appropriate title for these cynical miscreants.

From now on we should call them what they really are:

Nerds.

Till next time,

Baldacchino

Too soon to laugh?

2005-01-15T01:26:00.000-08:00

Good midnight-morningish from non-disaster zone (yet) San Diego

We report, you decide......

http://www.sevensouth.com/recordshop/RinconRa/01.php

NO! ...click link, then scroll down....

...."rolling hills"...oh man thats just so bad

till next time

-Baldacchino

I was born on new years eve...

2005-01-01T20:33:00.000-08:00

I was born on new years eve....

On my 5th birthday, my mom and dad sat me down, on my bed, next to the pillow, where the Tooth Fairy left money while I slept with the tooth under the pillow. They proceeded to tell me the truth, that there was no such thing as the Tooth Fairy.

On my 6th birthday, my mom and dad sat me down in kitchen, at the table where the Easter Bunny would leave baskets full of goodies for us kids to enjoy. They proceeded to tell me the truth, that there was no such thing as the Easter Bunny.

On my 7th birthday, my mom and dad sat me down, next to the mantle, where we would hang our stockings, and open presents. They proceeded to tell me the truth, that there was so such thing as Santa Claus.

My 8th birthday fell on a Sunday, and suffice it to say, I refused to go anywhere near a church.

Till Next time…..

-Baldacchino

bible theme mom joke.

2004-12-15T01:49:00.000-08:00

Your mom is soooooooooo fat.......

she's the reason God needed to rest!

Bam!

Till next time,

Baldacchino

The Toadstool Opus

2004-12-13T03:00:00.000-08:00

The Mario Bros saga is as ancient and hallowed as the Rubicks Cube:

The setting is a world made of worlds, a massive plane of adventure with one uniting trait. A vast and complex network of pipes transversing every island and continent. A place where plumbers, with their natural understanging of pipes, are naturally heroes. And so the story goes:

Plumber befreinds majical monarch. Bipedal fire-breathing Turtle dinosaur kidnaps Princess. Plumber walks, runs, jumps, and braves his way through lives and continues like most of us go through printer ink. Ultimately Plumber thwarts Dinosaur, releasing the princess, and saving her from the Evil dinosaur and his army of Goombas, Turtles, and spike ball dropping clouds. Princess awards plumber with convincing, but G-rated gesture of gratitude and ill-defined affection.

With slight variations, and exempting one acid trip of a sequel (SMB2 for NES), this has essentially been the plot of every game in the "Core" or "Backbone" Mario series: Super Mario Brothers, SMB 3, Super Mario World, Mario 64, and Mario Sunshine. These are therefore the only parts of the Mario tale that bear the weight of "scripture", if you will, in analyzing this particular suspision:

I here and now submit that there is infact a deeper reality behind all of this. A dark truth hidden behind the bouncing stars and grinning cumulonimbi. A truth which will rattle your bones.

Before revealing this conspiracy, I must indulge a classic example to help prepare you for the forthcoming rush of insight.

Mario is a hero with few peers in fact or fiction.The Jack Ryan of the video game world. A man who has risen light years beyond what one might normally expect from his meager physical stature and common occupation. He has fought off thousands of monsters and bosses. Without fail, Mario has on at least half a dozen occasions brought a peaceful order back to the Mushroom Kingdom, all in the name his undying Love of Princess Toadstool.

But somehow, at the end of every mario game, we have all felt on some level that Mario never really gets his due. For mario its a pretty raw deal.

In Mario 64 (ENDING SPOILER COMING UP), Mario negotiates obstacles of unprecedented complexity. He overcomes the dangers of the third dimension, gathers at least 70 stars, and saves the Princess once again. Upon saving the Mushroom Kingdom from the brutal tyranny of Koopa, princess awards Mario with a kiss. On the tip of his nose. Mario leaps for joy, affirming what we all know. Mario is desperately in love with the Princess. The Princess, however, seems less enthusiastic about our chubby and humble pizza loving protagonist.

Princess Toadstool has, in reality only used her charms in order to enlist Mario to fight for the greater good for the kingdom she rules. Sure Mario thinks he has a chance to get a look under that pink dress. But sadly, we will never see Mario’s well justified lust satiated. He will eternally be strung along by the carrot of off-mouth kisses and promises of pastry.

Some would say that keeping an “E for Everyone” rating is the reason we never see our beloved plumber lay pipe as he was meant to, and that the virgin princess will remain so forever. The truth of the matter is, that the princess has a problem.

Every gorgeous woman must learn a delicate skill. The art of making male friends she is not attracted to, and keeping them near and at their disposal, without ever actually hooking up with them: “Just Friends.” She’s just not interested in Mario that way. He’s the sad schmuck she talks to. The one to whom she tells her woes. The shoulder she cries on. But when it comes to romance, it seem slike Mario just doesn’t have the genetic material she was looking for.

But why is it that Princess toadstoll doest want to "do the Mario"?

Is Mario, perhaps, destined to be the brother in law instead of the husband? Was he only a slot on the birth order away from glory? They say women always date men at least their height, and certainly Mario didn’t get the Yao Ming, super long jumping, and green suspender genes in his family. The truth is, Princess Toadstool, regardless of Mario's constant and uncanny heroics, has only one love, one partner who knows what she likes and how she likes it. Only one man who can give it to her right……

Is the secret love of the princess none other than Mario's closest freind and only brother: Luigi?

....Nope.... it is, in fact........

King Bowser Koopa

That’s right. I said it. King Bowser Koopa, Soviergn Ruler of World 8, and all of the 7 worlds within his sphere of influence, is Princess Toadstool's one and only true love. Sure, he’s a bad influence on her. But this tale is older that that of the rubicks cube. And ancient and reliable truth: That good girls like bad guys.

Surely her parents warned her about those dangerous creatures living just on the other side of Giant Land. But the more she was told of the taboo of the Koopas, the more she became curious. The more talking to the Koopas was forbidden, the more she had to know why. The more she wanted to taste the forbidden fruit. Don’t believe me? Lets look at the case, follow the evidence, and see the truth about this cocktease that Mario has so naively and tragically fallen for.

Suddenly it all comes rushing back.

Kidnapped? As if. While her parents were out recruiting pipe-fitters to rescue their missing daughter, Princess was out with the only piece of eligible Royal ass she could find. At first, King Koopa probably took her on magic carpet rides over desert world, picking her flowers. Ill bet that together, they spit fireballs at goombas and laughed.

At night, she would sneak away to a castle on the border of World 1 and the Mushroom Kindom. She was a nice girl looking for a wild time, and she made sure her entourage of little toads keep the secret. Just as the diligent Mario approached the castle where they were secreted away at on borderlands of the Mushroom Kingdom, and in defiance of the Reptilian-ish overlord, lowered the flag outside his border outpost. Alerted, they looked out the window and saw the plumber coming. In order to keep the affair going, they rushed out of the castle, deeper into the growing Koopa Empire. The sly princess told 1 of her 7 Mushroom attendants to stay behind with a simple message, a message to which we all attatch a deep and sense of resentment:

“Thank you Mario, but the Princess is in another castle”

That sneaky.....

Mario remained ignorant and persistent. Being the Eagle Scout that he is, he followed Koopa's trail through all 7 of his provincial castles, finally leaving them no place to go. Cornered at the main castle in world 8 by this surprisingly hurculean paisano, Koopa and princess devised a clever plan. Having satiated their desires nightly for months on the run, they agreed to fake King Koopas death, let Mario “rescue” the princess, and let the people of the Mushroom Kingdom think that the threat of Koopa is gone forever.

Mario had no clue that King Bowser is not only safe from hot lava, but loves it. Think about it, why else would his whole palace and world be cris-crossed by so many square, and therefore purposefully made rivers of molten rock. Knowing that Mario isn’t the smartest man ever, the star-crossed lovers figured that if Koopa built a bridge, and fell into the lava screaming, Mario return with news of victory, and the princess would come home safe with the harrowing and trajic tale of her “kidnapping”. Once Koopa was defeated, the Princess gave him a kiss on the cheek and was immediately Eager send him away once again.

http://www.vgmuseum.com/end/snes/a/smaw_1.htm

A couple of years passed. Koopa messed around with some of his own kind, breeding 7 children. The heavy variety of this brood, as well as the relatively short time it took King Koopa to father 7 kids suggests they are the children of a harem of Dinosaur Turtle , um, "hotties".

Changes were coming, and soon, the Princess would rise to the throne of the mushroom kingdom.

"They" say that the best way to unite a people and distract them from the problems of their own lives is to give them an enemy. Toadstool had read her Machiavelli.

I would guess that during that first affair and “rescue”, princess was a young and naïve 18. Princess' parents died sometime between mario 1 and 3, as they are mentioned in the manual for Mario 1, but not for Mario 3, or any beyond that. She assumed the throne at an unknown age, which I submit to be between 25 and 30, allowing for her to be old enough to rule, and still young enough to keep her looks. Over time she began to think about Koopa, but decided that she'd gotten all of that out of her system, and for the sake of the kingdom, she must chose to a suitor of her own kind. Like any new monarch, Princess had to keep her kingdom together and establish herself as a strong ruler. But there was a problem.

With it’s absurd abundance of bonus holding blocks, gold coins, and endlessly perfect weather, the Mushroom Kingdom had for as long as anyone could remember, been the envy of all of the known world.

And who, who would have the motive and the opportunity to conquer and take control of the Mushroom Kingdom? A kingdom vulnerable from a recent change of power to a young and hapless diva? Certainly not the brainless inhabitants of giant world, or the intelligent, but unambitious denziens of water world. Only one kingdom had the will, organization, and sheer ambition for power to upset the balance of power and invade the Mushroom Kingdom.

Super Mario 3, the next chapter, gives us the obvious answer. With a standing army of wooden tanks, an armada of battleships, and an overwhelming air force of 7 motherships and dozens of smaller fighters, the Koopa Kingdom was a military powerhouse. King Bowser not only had ordered the construction of a World War 2 era military machine ready and manned near his castle, and as you all remember, but this military was on the move. Remember the music on those levels? Koopa had every intention of ordering his fully equipped log cabin blitzkrieg to conquer and enslave the midget population of the Mushroom Kingdom.

The princess had to do something to save her people. Being populated by hapless 2 foot tall fungi, the utopian kingdom had no way to protect itself. The princes knew she had only one weapon againt the invading dictator. In order to save face, the princess leaves a note for help, grabs as many warp whistles as she can carry, and shows up on the doorstep of Koopas' castle, ready to use her feminine wiles to save her people. But what was planned to be a sex for peace barter ended up a re-ignition of an old flame. Koopa stopped his Military's advance, and kept the massive force close to his castle, protecting their love. This time mario would be kept out by an actual standing army.

Combining her lust for Koopa, and her own desire for power, they re-entered the tabooed embrace. But this was not enough, and princess was tempted by both lust and power. Together the lizard and the hottie signed an unholy pact. A deal to secure for her place of power, and to ensure for Bowser a princess at his side.

Together they would become King and Queen of a combined Koopa and Mushroom Empire. Together, the prosperity of the Mushroom Kingdom and the might of world 8 would be unstoppable. Together they would rule the world.

All that needed happen is for Mario to be defeated at the hands of overwhelming and organized numbers, and the koopa military to enforce the dark covenant on the mushroom people. If necessary, to force them into line at the point of a cannon, or by tossing wrenches at them.

Koopa had it all planned out this time. It would be impossible for mario to get past his huge number of well trained and militarily organized minions. But then the impossible happened.

Amazingly, 7 times in a row, just as they were taking off, the trajically lovesick Mario was able to single handedly hop aboard, over take the defences, and kill the captains of all 7 airships! All the while while raccoon flying, frog-suiting, hammer throwing, and cannonball dodging his way into the very heart of the Koopa Kingdom.

Incredibly, Once in world 8, mario destroyed or snuck past the entire koopa military.
As our stalwart hero finally approached the royal bed-chamber, Koopa and princess pulled a similar trick on the unstoppable, yet innocent and pudgy Mario. This time it was a pitfall rather than lava, but I ask you, do we ever SEE Koopa die? I think not.

Upon Bowser's defeat, the princess is clearly seen crying on screen. She mourns the beast. The princess plays it off, being secretly and profoundly condescending.

"thank you, but our princess is in another castle!... just kidding! Ha Ha Ha! Bye bye

see: http://www.vgmuseum.com/end/snes/a/smaw_3.htm

Mario thinks she's joking.

The details of the plot of Super Mario World are so repetitive as to need no explanation. The key point is that at the very end, after yet another epic journey across more than half a dozen worlds, and being "saved" the Princess grants Mario the pleasure of standing next to her while a big heart shaped firework explodes in the background. The sly princess makes sure mario is facing away from the romantic explosion: She'd hate to give him the wrong idea.

http://www.vgmuseum.com/end/snes/a/smw.htm

The third defeat of King Koopa by Mario imbalanced his own control of the
Mordor-esque Koopa Kingdom. Soon various factions, bastard Koopa Children, and their scheming mothers, with varying claims to inheriting the kingom, constantly squabbled over the throne. Even the 120 stars of power which helped him rule so completely could not stop the increasing chaos.

Years passed and the great military machine of the kingdom was fighting and destroying itself. Bowser was the target of numerous assassination attempts, and it seemed to King Bowser that his days were numbered.

Wanting to retire peacefully, Bowser gathered all his most loyal followers, and a few new experimental monsters, the 120 stars , and staged a desperate grab at power. Not in the Koopa Kingdom, but for the prize he always wanted. With his personal guard and a crack batallion of monsters, Koopa managed to lay seige to the Princess’ castle, and took control of a small piece of land surrounding it, claiming for himself a new castle home. As before, the princess was delighted and intimidated all at once. A soon as she saw him, she gave way to her lust and let Bowser and his small army in through the secret moat entrance. (remember, down by the pond?) This explains the relative ease of his takeover.

Thus, Mario 64 begins. Koopa hides the 120 stars around the castle. Certainly, enough stars to control a whole kindom would make a little castle invincible.

To save face to her constituents, the Princess “snuck” a "secret" message out to Mario again. It reads verbatum:

"Mario, please come to the castle. I've baked a cake. Yours truly, Princess Toadstool. Signed Peach"

Koopa probably ate the whole cake as soon as he arrived.

The Princess' deceptive note is clever, but Mario, the hero of the Mushroom Kingdom, was again underestimated by the couple in love. As always, Mario did his job a little too well. Mario negotiates dozens of levels, and all sorts of new monsters, eventually manging to collect a majority of the stars, thus gaining gaining control of the castle. Mario opened the entrance to the top of the castle and destroyed Bowser, dissipating him and combining all his remaining essense into one giant star. After defeating bowser, Mario even went so far as to gather all 120 stars, and the new super star made of old bowser parts, and used them to strengthen the Mushroom Kingdom. Together, Mario and the Princess would ensure its peace and prosperity for all time. The princess floats down from the castle, like some kind of snow white, pretending to have been asleep the whole time. She preteds to wake up, and thanks Mario for his extraordinary service. She gives him a kiss on the nose. We all hoped this might lead, finally, to Mario getting some action. But the last thing the Princess was interested in is getting with Mario, and so she changes the subject rudely and abruptly. She reccomends baking a cake.

http://www.sca.ch/mario/marioend.htm

Our final reward is not a cathardic romantic embrace, but rather a picture of a cake that can't be eaten, or even removed from the screen unless you actually press reset. Some prize.

This 4th "kidnapping" weakened the Princess’ rule of the kingdom. The Mushroom kingdom, took advantage of the historical prosperity, as well as the weakness of the monarchy, and began the slow transition to democracy. Over time her role as Princess became more and more symbolic.

At the end of Mario 64 Koopa disintegrated and was formed into a new, oversized star, a process we are meant to assume is irreversible. An apparent Koopa death. Although now just a figurehead, Mario entrusts the Princess with the stars and therefore the stability and prosperity of her kingdom.

So she does the absolute worst thing she possibly could with them.

Abusing the trust Mario blindly put in her, the Princess secretly choose her own passion over the good of her people.

In the ONLY possible explanation for the survival ofKing Koopa: The princess MUST have somehow secretly changed the star back into Bowser. Once she has her true love back in physical form, the Princess knows she can't have The King of World 8 walking around the castle in a bathrobe, and so she reccomeneded a nice, far away paradise where the two of them could meet and indulge their love. A place where the previous sagas would be distant, even unknown legend. A nice little hideaway called:

Isle Deflino…

The very island where Mario Sunshine, the most recent of the Core Mario stories, takes place.

The Princess, who was by then becoming more of a figurehead than actual ruler, suggested her and Mario drop some tax-payer gold coin, hop on a plane, and disappear to this tropical paradise to get away from all the hectic business of the Mushroom Kingdom. The doting Chancellor aboard the plane escorting the couple only further underlines the loss of power the Princess has suffered. Mario enthusiastically agrees to go. He was sure that this was it. He would finally score with the Princess.

But he would not be so lucky.

The Princess is “abducted” again (feel free to roll your eyes) by a koopa child poorly disguised as Mario. Apparently the active camoflauge technology he's using only shows black and white. (As a side note, this proves that all the residents of isle Delfino, who thought it actually WAS Mario, are all colorblind). This nifty scourge is infact Bowser Koopas’ only loyal son. Being a chip off the ol’ spikey shell, Koopa’s kid wanted nothin gmore than to cause havoc in the island community. For no good reason other than being a brat and getting attention, the younger Koopa covered the island in various colors of oozy pollution. In addition to this he began to change the island to something closer to his native environment of Koopa World. Pursuant to this, he stole and hid the sun sprites to darken the skies, and got the islands volcano started up, ready to produce more Lava. Koopa was just happy to get rid of the kid while he and the Princess humped their brains out.

In order to save the damsel he naively beleives is indistress, Mario enlists the help of a water shooting jet/backpack called F.L.U.D.D. Basically its like a Super Soaker 5 billion. Mario managed not only to single handedly collect all the Sun Sprites, but also clean every last drop of pollution without any help from the lazy stoned natives. After that epic adventure, Mario charges into the volcano which towers over the island, and (SPOILER ALERT!) negotiates yet another lava covered final level. At the end of this harrowing task our heroic italian reaches the heart of the volcano where King Bowser awaits:

In a Jacuzzi. With the Princess. I MEAN C'MON! you think Mario would figure this out by now.

"They" also say you only see what you want to. Mario saw a prisoner needing to be rescued. Truth of the matter? He was interrupting some kinky Dinosaur/Princess nooky. The princess is surprised to see him.

“Mario?” she says.

You can almost see Bowser roll his eyes as the princess begins faking like she needs help, And the saga unfolds as it had before. Bowser can't beleive this brat has done it again. King Koopa fakes death once more, and he and his son are shot skyward by the volcano, which he controls, out past the horizon.

Koopa gets thwarted, but doesnt really die. Princess gives Mario another kiss on the nose or something weak like that. And the Princess and Koopa continue their quest to love without judgement.

And now....

World 8 lies prostrate from internal squabbling and many defeats at the hands of Mario. The Mushroom Kingdom enjoys an unprecedented golden age of freedom and prosperity.

But sadly, Mario continues to be teased along toward his unattainable dream of the Princess's peach.

Poor bastard.

Till Next time….

-Baldacchino.

On this the 6th day of the 12th month of the third year of Coach Tedford

2004-12-06T18:42:00.000-08:00

Good Night from, The home of the Holiday Bowl, San Diego

While I am personaly happy about the re-election of bush, it remains indisputed that a chasm opened up under Berkeley on that fateful november day, and gobbled up all but a few of the last hopes of the notoriously liberal Berkeley residents. Then, just when things in berkeley couldnt get any more desperate......

Sadly, by mere decimals, Cal got edged out of the Rose Bowl by Texas. Although some might fault our weak special teams, more important is the stupid BCS computer system. I mean, C'mon, 25 passes in one game, In A Row..AGAINST THE #1 RANKED TEAM! Computers are so dumb. Although we must settle for the meager Holiday bowl, there are two rays of light penetrating the grey skies of Berkeley, CA.

One is that a bunch of my very best buds, you know who you are, will be drowning their sorrows at my very residence here in San Diego, just a stone's throw from Qualcomm Stadium, home of the Holiday Bowl. The second is that Tedford, the man who single handedly took a 1-10 team and within 2 years managed to upset the number on eteam in the country in Triple Overtime!!!!!, well he will be staying on as coach for five more years! booya!

So it would seem that the Tedford has seen fit to bestow upon us 5 more years of the best coaching in all of college football.

So first things first... we must build a massive stone temple over the part of the Hayward fault that emits the most nauxious geothermal gasses. Then we'll have sorority girls take turns wearing togas. They'll sit in a golden bowl above the fumes, and succumb to the influence of this intoxicating air, and a healthy dose of gameday Natural Ice. Given these insanity inducing conditions, we just might be able, through these intermidiaries, called sororacles, to communicate with, and therefore appropriately kiss the ass of the Tedford. Cal Band! Pledges!...Get Quarrying!

And all the bad kickers, and all BCS computers shall be smoten.

For this is the will of Tedford.

I think.

Until Next Time....

-Baldacchino

Easter Eggs of the Universe

2004-11-16T19:42:00.000-08:00

Good Evening from Still Crescent Moony San Diego.

Two necessary definitions in order to continue:

The Universe:
"the whole spacetime continuum in which we exist, together with all the energy and matter within it"
-the Wikipedia

Easter Eggs:
"From the custom of the Easter egg hunt observed in the U.S. and many parts of Europe, Easter eggs are hidden messages or features which may appear in movies, DVDs, books, on CDs, or in computer programs."
-The Wikipedia

A more Detailed description of "easter eggs" can be found at the source of this quote:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Easter_egg_%28virtual%29

Programmers often hide little messages and evidence of their own otherwise unknown existence in programs, so that others that know the programming language and appreciate it can come to know and apprecitiate them. Known easter eggs inclode little things from the One used by al gore to reach programmers during his 2000 election, to an entire racing game hidden in Microsoft Excel (wikipedia).

I propose that there are, infact, Easter Eggs of the Universe.

That those who know the right "language" kind find strange and interesting tidbits from the creator or creaters of our existence. I propose that there are so far two Easter Eggs that have been discovered.

Pi and Phi
(roughly 3.14....., and 1.618.......)
Both, for reasons which to date nobody can explain, tend to show up repeadedly in variously many feilds. From math, where the Area under the function 1 divided by X squared is equal to 3pi over 6. To physics, where a number of equations require the use of Pi, to Nature, where the fibonacci sequence, a function of Phi, just seems to turn up in countless species. Studies of ratios from the pyramids, to art in the vatican, phi and pi turn up again and again. Everything from the instinctual appreciation of beauty, to which angle sand in an hour glass stacks at, represents a function of these numbers, for reasons which bely explanation.

So, For some reason, the great forgers of reality see fit to say hello, but not until you take calculus 2.

So, to whomever deity or dieties are listening, i'd like to wave out toward the distance and yell "The ratio of the diameter of a circle to the circumference!" and "the length of the diagonal in a regular pentagon of side length 1!"

Ok, I shit you not, but Baptist church recruiters just came to the door as i typed that......Weird.

I Wonder what will happen once I publish the post....Here goes nothin.

Till Next time
-Bladacchino

2 kinds of people in the world

2004-11-16T19:01:00.000-08:00

Good Evening from Crescent Moony San Diego

There are two kinds of people in the world......

1. The kind of people that realize that the infinite variety and potential of human beings is an ungraspable whole of such profound depth, complexity and diversity as to be the most wonderful of mysteries; an enigma appropriately placed far beyond the capacity of any person, institution, or device to ever completely decipher or comprehend.

And.....

2. The kind of people that think there are only two kinds of people in the world.

Till Next Time
-Baldacchino

Days 1 through 999,999,999,999,999,999,999

2004-11-11T14:34:00.000-08:00

An experiment…..

Half a pot of cold coffee had been left for me by my benefactor, who on this particular morning left early on a flight. This is a new brand of coffee we bought a week ago from an Ethiopian vendor who was peddling it at a nearby residential intersection. We’d never seen him there before, nor have I seen him since. It was noon, and I had just woken up.

When my benefactor has flights out of state, they’re usually early, so there’s a chance she didn’t have time to grind and percolate a whole new pot within the last 6 hours. I remain, however, lazy. I pour all the remaining coffee into the oversized mug which has through clever math gotten me down to four cups a day. The coffee was cold, so I decided to Microwave it. I put it in for and excessively long 4 minutes, and returned to Aim-ing.

Ding!

I returned to the kitchen 4 minutes later and found the coffee was nearly as cold as when I had left it. Wanting to see if the device still worked, I popped in half a burrito for 90 seconds. Lo and behold it was a little too hot. Taking sides with the appliance, I nuked the stubborn brew for ten more minutes. While it nuked, I noted the strangeness to an old roommate, who was a physics major back at UC Berkeley. Being a Political science major, I asked him what could have caused a liquid to simply not get hot from getting put in a microwave.

Physicsboy68: wow, its still cold?
MEHATCH: yeah
Physicsboy68: that’s incredible, any normal coffee should be at a boil by then. The specific heat of the water must of somehow been altered by the coffee, but percolation simply isn’t a process capable of such an alteration.
MEHATCH: well its in there now. 10 minutes. Lets see it stand up to enough radiation to bake a turkey.
Physicsboy68: Dude, either way its gonna be nasty, just make a new batch with some Folgers.
MEHATCH: No way dude….technology must prevail.
Physicsboy68: whatever.... I got class. Back in an hour.
MEHATCH: late

10 minutes later the coffee was barely lukewarm. Tempting. I took one look at the top of the line "Kenmore Elite 1.7 cu. ft. Speedcook Oven Hood Combination w/Ultra HeatWave™ Technology", and knew what I had to do. I Grabbed three cans of Diet Coke to keep the edge off, made sure the microwave is on high, and put the timer on to 99 minutes, 99 seconds. I popped in the oversized mug and allowed the deep black liquid to be bombarded by levels of radiation that would be the envy of most supernovae. In that time I ate the burrito, watched some news, and typed all the words to this point. It is now 98 minutes later. The coffee should soon be done.

Ding…

1:45 pm: Sitting in front of me is a dark, rich, rolling boil slowly reducing itself to a simmer. The smell is clearly some kind of coffee, the finest whole bean aroma I can recall. The coffee is still too hot to drink, so I’m going to take a large whiff. Hmm. Perhaps it’s the three diet cokes, but my fingers.... feel.....jittery, they...um.. 1001101000100110010000011111000100100101011011011011011011100111100001011011110001110111000010010011100110010100101010101010101010101010101001011001110100111000010101010100111010101000101101001011110111011101…u know, its hard to…..holy shit. Did I just type that? Um…

What follows is the my friend's AIM recording of what happened next, just as he sent it to me.

1:47 pm, and onward...

MEHATCH: Dude! dude!!!
Physicsboy68: man….I got a d-plus on my midterm
MEHATCH: I just channeled binary!
Physicsboy68: are u even listening?
MEHATCH: I blanked for a second, and there were a bunch of ones and zeros on the screen I don’t remember typing.
Physicsboy68: Don’t fuck with me dude I’m not in the mood. Drink some coffee and go do something producti oh shit! the mystery coffee!
MEHATCH: Its hot.
Physicsboy68: u serious?
MEHATCH: as serious as the time you…..and Mr. Pledge found that loaf of Wonderbread from the 60’s when you were replacing the floorboards..
Physicsboy68: OK OK dont repeat that story online……so did you drink any?
MEHATCH: just whiffed it
Physicsboy68: Dude drink some
MEHATCH: Stay with me here I need a witness. I’m goinna tell you how it goes.
Physicsboy68: Go for it! Touch it to your lips
MEHATCH: SHIT! Man it’s hot. Fuck it, I’m taking a gulp
Physicsboy68: Just a sip dude…keep it scientific.
MEHATCH: Sipping…
Physicsboy68: Stnding by
MEHATCH: OK…nothings happening….wait….Laurie Dhue just started mouthing words
Physicsboy68: Why u watching Fox news? theyre so biased
MEHATCH: you’’re the one who knew laury due was on fox….shit! I cant hear the keyboard either.
Physicsboy68: ok…time to stop this experiment and go see a doctor.
MEHATCH: I busted the coffee grinder making this stuff, this could be my last opportunity to see what it can do
Physicsboy68: Dude, you’re not going to leap over tall buildings, seriously, go drink some water and walk to that hospital, for real, the one you showed me that’s right near you
MEHATCH: (getting ice)
MEHATCH: ok I’m dumping it into a super gulp cup from last night and adding ice
MEHATCH: Ice cracks loudly and melts immediately, some actually changes to steam
Physicsboy68: Dude! dont drink anymore!
MEHATCH: Taking a gulp.
Physicsboy68: Don't die.
Physicsboy68: well?
MEHATCH: csnt srr screen, cnt see keuboard. Everything turning black. Mjst continue.
Physicsboy68: I’m calling 911
MEHATCH: strenge/// Fox nrws still clearly vusuble. I can frrl the cup. Im gonna chug ut.
Physicsboy68: NOOOOOO!!!!
Physicsboy68:DUDE!
Physicsboy68: HATCH! ANSWER ME DAMNIT! If you don’t write back im seriously gonna call 911, I think I remember how to get to your place. Ill tell them.
Physicsboy68: HATCH!!!!
MEHATCH: I can see
Physicsboy68: Hatch?
MEHATCH: I can see…everything…
Physicsboy68: WHAT? What?
Physicsboy68: are you there? Hatch?
Physicsboy68: you’re scarring me man, this isnt funny.
Physicsboy68: c’mon, please answer
MEHATCH:\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''\\\\\\\\\\'''''''''''''\\\\'''\\'\'\'\''\'
Physicsboy68:HATCH!!!!!!!
MEHATCH signed off at 2:01:02 PM.
MEHATCH signed on at 2:04:28 PM.
MEHATCH: son of a bitch!
Physicsboy68: man, are you ok?
MEHATCH: I’ve never been better….never been worse….never will be, I’m loosing the feeling, like waking from a wonderful dream
Physicsboy68: you beter have a good explanation for scaring me like that
MEHATCH: how long was I gone?
Physicsboy68: I don’t know….3 minutes maybe
MEHATCH: Staggering
Physicsboy68: staggering?
MEHATCH: what seemed like 3 minutes to you was to me an infinite journey through dimensions incomprehensible. Sensory perception beyond what you or I could ever dream to…Within this meager human shell, I lack the capacity to even remember it. I am left only with a desperate longing to return to a distant paradise I can no longer imagine. And Yet, somehow, somewhere, some....when;I feel like I made a new friend. I feel truly safe for the first time in my life. We are all……safe.
MEHATCH: Eric, Did you record the aim conversation? please tell me you recorded it.
Physicsboy68: OK....i'll save it, but you better mail me some of that shit.
MEHATCH: we should totally start a cartel. I'll sell this shit by the atom.
Physicsboy68: Fuckin a man. we'll make Billions. Trillions!
MEHATCH: And you got 12 years, 43 days, 8 hours, 31 minutes, and 42.0752934 seconds to enjoy the money.
Physicsboy68: dude....so not funny.
MEHATCH: LOL

Till Next Time
-Baldacchino

Day 4,745,654,002

2004-11-03T15:56:00.000-08:00

Good Afternoon from sunny San Diego!

Conspiracy theory of the week:

Saddam Hussein is actually Howard Hughes.

Till next time

-Baldachinno

Day 4, 745, 654,002

2004-11-03T13:21:00.000-08:00

Greetings from Sunny San Diego.

OK..so Bush won...now heres the plan.

Foreign Policy:

1.If we attack from Afghanistan from the east and Iraq in the west, Iran is an easy take. After 8 years of nurturing these republics, combine them into massive Pan-Islamic Federal Republic. Regions w/ representing different cultural & religious groups weould be teh states, abandoning the arbitrarily drawn British cololinal geographical distinctions which divided these groups.

2.So they don't whine, we let China take over North Korea, and take their nukes away to safer Chinese controlled bases, but only if they let Tibet go. Taiwan agrees to recognize Beijing as a figurehead, but acts with de-facto independence.

3.Russia gets Chechnya, in excahnge for 20 billion US dollars to help maintain and protect their aging nuclear arsenal. Europe takes on Africa, and we'll throw in a hundred billion to help with that. There they would, peice by peice, build the necessary infrastructure to support modern government and economies. This effort would help Unite the Eu in a common purpose besides not liking Bush.

4. Israel builds a wall, and Syria and Palestine can join up to make one country. Israel Gets western wall, Pale-Syria gets Temple Mount. Gaza and a thin connecting strip of land along the coast goes to Egypt.

5. Give the Dalai Lama control over Kashmir to watch over elcetions for lacal to decide where they want the line to go, while he waits for Tibet to open up. That frees up Pakistan's army to stabilize the secular state. This stabilization allows teh pakistani pres to step down from military leader to a civilian one. The newly taskless Pakistani army can then pacify tribal regions & violent radical groups, and find Osama. The Indian Army could then be freed up to create a reasonable balance W/ the Chinese Red Army pursuant to local stability.

Domestic policy:

1. The republicans trade the Death penalty for the democrats Roe. V. Wade, together signing a constitutional amendment to guarantee the protection and sanctity of human life from conception to death.

2. We build a concrete wall 20 feet into the ground and 50 feet above it from the Pacific to The Gulf of Mexico. At half a dozen locations there would be 50 lane wide, massive, fully scanning capable entry ports from Texas to California. So theres no bad feelin, free up trade w/ Mexico. Increase Legal immigration, by allowing a couple hundred thousand a year to enter into learning and living centers, letting them into the country once they know English and all the citizenship stuff.

3. Declare May 8 "Baldacchino is the best for solving all our problems day"

Then all we'll have to worry about is sports.

Till Next Time....

-Baldacchino

Day 4,745, 654,000

2004-11-01T02:07:00.000-08:00

Good Tomorrow from Sunny San Diego.

Now we all know that good news tends to be boring news, bake sales, construction of hospitals, modernization of agricultural hardware, and the return of Family Guy to network television, all just don't seem to have the same pizazz as murders and explosions. But certainly SOME good news warrants attention, right? In order to think about this, I decided to create a hypothetical BEST news story. Here goes.

"Today, after thousands of years of plague, religious wars, a cold war, and two world wars, the ENTIRE Fucking Continent of Europe actually signed a constitution, ending conflict beltween ALL the nations of that continent once and for all."

Certainly, If this happened, it would be front page news around the world, an example of the potential for local and bordering nations aroung the world that perhaps someday they too could set aside that which makes them different, and unite for the common good.

OK, I've been dicking with you all a little bit, and the European Constitution was actually signed in Rome yesterday. Though I'd let you know theres a new country, that includes, among others, England, France, Italy, Germany, and many others. I guess that actually means theres like 1 more, but 30 less, cuz they all like became part of the European Union. So actually we lose 29 nations...or something....whatever.

http://gandalf.aksis.uib.no/%7Ebrit/EXPORT-EU-Constitution/Draft-EU-Constitution-June-2004/PREAMBLE-1.html

Three Cheers fo Government! (in general)

Till Next Time
-Baldacchino

You'll just love this one.

2004-10-30T12:11:00.000-07:00

Good Noon from Sunny San Diego.....

A hook! Followed by something interesting, something clever, and something moving and profound. Then a strong finish.

The End.

Till Next Time......Baldacchino.

day 4,745,653,998, 1:23 am

2004-10-28T01:23:00.000-07:00

Good Morning from Sunny San Diego

What follows is, A summary transcript in the spirit of several recent conversations, and worth preserving for posterity.

[[[Start Transcript]]]

Hatch:
Remember that time on Futurama where Fry and Leela try to stay onViper's tail, and they get caught up in his wake, and go into a spin and Goose dies? Man, that was sad.

Steve:
Oh yeah, that was right before Bruce Willis stays behind on the meteor, hits the button and says to Godzilla "I woundn't say i've been mising it, Bob."

Hatch:
No way dude, It was Luke Skywalker who went over to the meteor and said that.

Steve:
Wait...ok, so Tom Cruise goes up to Lumberg and destroys the meteor by blowing up Mothra with the atomic bomb?

Hatch: Um...

Steve:
Hold on, Im looking it up.

Hatch:
So how's it end?

H. Steve:
Hold on.

Hatch.
Holding....um....on

Steve:
Ok I found it. Ok, It says here that District Attorney McCoy finds the 5 sacred stones and returns them to the village, only to discover that it was Lumberg who was shipping the Grass in across the Vermont border from Canada. Therefore, If it wasn't for William Wallace defeating Conan O'Brien at the battle of Helms Deep, the president never could have determined that Han Solo was a "clear and present danger" to Quahag, R.I.. THATS when Michael Bolton, Goose, Iceman, and Zoidberg fly Air Force One into the heart of the Printer and destroy Mothra AND the Printer, with the atomic bomb. Then Goose dies. Cuz Goose WAS Mothra, and lived on the meteor.

Hatch:
Man, i feel so stupid.

H. Steve:
Seriously, we both should have known that.

[[[End Text]]]

Till next time
-Baldacchino

Day 4,745,653,996 3:21 am

2004-10-26T03:21:00.000-07:00

Greetings from sunny San Diego, California

Error report: Date on post 1 miscomupted by Math dept as 1 trillion and something days. Pink Slip lottery begins at Noon, BYOB.

Every once in a while I will demonstrate by brilliance by speaking inteligently about a limited topic without the help of any research or anything. This week's topic has been submitted by my brother GregHatch (at aim etc)

"write about poker using words with only one or three syllables" for the main story part, lets throw in rhyming too, in roughly iambic pentameter. Here goes:

"A parable: Ann Duke knows her shit.

The world card tour had tournaments two. One champ left with pride, the other was, who?

Tournament one was for girls and chicks, Tournament two was for players and chips.

Tournament one, feminine and fun, pretended with pride that they were everyone.

Out on the felt, by men all surrounded, Ann Duke played her cards and could not be grounded.

Tournament two basically expected, that Ann Duke would soon be comlpetely dejected.

The girls sat and delt at length, they felt that they had some girl strength.

Tournament two was not as lame, and Ann duke beat them at that game.

The girls had their feminine fun, the best of them was Jen, who won.

Jen, however, will not be remembered, for it was the men, who Ann Duke just dismembered.

The End.

End of limits. This time you got a litte story. Stay tuned next time for an informative discussion of plants.

Until next time.
-Baldacchino

Day 1,294,948,837 8:31

2004-10-26T01:48:00.000-07:00

Greetings from sunny San Diego

.....except for the other day. The strangest thing happened. Water, yes....... WATER, came falling out of the fucking sky. Weirdest shit i've ever seen.

Everything was like...Wet. House came in handy for not getting wet. Roof conveniently works as a water stopper.

Googled "water from the sky" no luck. Got a hit on Dictionary.com. They have a word for this phenomenon :Rain. Seems like theres a word for everything. I'll bet mirriam and webster were up in a plane with super soakers just so i'd think this was a real thing. My curiosity was lit, and I dug deeper into the mystery.

Turns out this actually happens on a regular basis in some parts of the world. Makes you wonder why people live there. I read further.

Apparently, some food comes from "plants" (crazy, i know, we'll cover plants next time). These "plants" need water to, get this, GROW.

So somewhere theres a place where food comes out of the ground, when water comes out of the sky, but only if you dig entire acres, and wait for months. U think they'd just go to the store.

Till next time.
-Baldacchino